yami's random thoughts

If my life could be put into words... it's always almost but not quite... i never really asked why until recently.... aaaaaahh!!!! makes the thought of being alone in a quiet place having yosi and/or a beer in one hand and some quiet music in the background like heaven... =)

Performed by Eric Clapton. OST ng Runaway Bride.
All time favorite pampaiyak song. swak!

I thought that you’d be loving me.
I thought you were the one who’d stay forever.
But now forever’s come and gone
And I’m still here alone.

’cause you were only playing,
You were only playing with my heart. (how true.)
I was never waiting,
I was never waiting for the tears to start.

It was you who put the clouds around me.
It was you who made the tears fall down.
It was you who broke my heart in pieces.
It was you, it was you who made my blue eyes blue.

Oh, I never should have trusted you.
I thought that I’d be all you need.
In your eyes I thought I saw my heaven.
And now my heaven’s gone away
And I’m out in the cold.

’cause you had me believing,
You had me believing in a lie. (how true?)
Guess I couldn’t see it,
I guess I couldn’t see it till I saw goodbye.

’cause you were only playing,
You were only playing with my heart.
I was never waiting,
I was never waiting for the tears to start.

It was you who put the clouds around me.It was you.

I Wish I Wasn't...

Para sa'yo 'to...

I’m home alone again
And you’re out, hanging with your friends
So you say, somehow I know it’s not quite that way
It’s getting pretty late and you haven’t checked on me all day
When I called you didn’t answer
Now I’m feeling like you’re ignoring me
And I wish, I could go back
To the day before we met and skip my regret

I wish I wasn’t in love with you
So you couldn’t hurt me
It just ain’t fair the way you treat me
No you don’t deserve me
Wasted my time thinking about you and you ain’t never gonna change
I wish I wasn’t in love with you
So I wouldn’t feel this way

When you touch me my heart melts
And everything you did wrong I forget
So you play me and take advantage
Of the love that I feel for you
Why you wanna hurt me so bad
I believed in you thats why I’m so mad
Now I’m drowning in disappointment, and it’s hard for me to even look at you
I wish I could go back
To the day before we met and skip my regret

Said you care about me, but from what I see
I ain’t feeling that, so I disagree
Gave you all my love and understanding and you treated me like your enemy
So leave me alone, don’t want nothing from you
Just go back where you came from this house is no longer your home
You can not never come no more

I hear you knocking at my door again
I’m wondering should I let you in
I open up the door and see the flowers for me so beautiful in your hands
You start begging me to take you back,I’ve always been a sucker for romance
And before you know it I can see, you’re all over me
Oh no here I go again

I wish I wasn’t in love with you so you couldn’t hurt me

Ouch.

If you have to love, don't.
Especially if the one you're going to love doesn't love you back. Unrequited love must not fill a space in your existence.Unrequited love sucks, hurts and kills. If you find yourself thinking about someone, and his sweetness, although you know he's naturally sweet to all girls, and his sweetness to you doesn't mean anything, then don't think about him. Don't be too assuming that his checking out on you is a sign that he has a thing for you. Don't read between the lines of sweet text messages he sent to you. Don't dwell on the memories that you had with him, because most definitely, he is not dwelling on them, either. Don't fall for him. To fall in love with him will be an awful blow to your vulnerable emotions. Because surprise, surprise, he doesn't reciprocate the feelings. He is just sweet, remember? If you think you're crushing on someone who seems to be having a thing for your friend, and your friend seems to be crushing on the guy too bigtime, take the backseat. Don't squeeze yourself in the picture. Boogie out the scene that is designated for only the two of them. At this point, don't take the risk of falling for the guy in hope that maybe it's not your friend he's attracted with, but you. That won't work.Assuming that someone loves you is the most stupid reason for propelling oneself to love. So don't assume. And if it happens that you really don't, but you have the urge to love the guy anyway, because whoa, the guy is a catch, try your hardest to control the feeling.The worst thing that can happen is finding yourself very heartbroken from seeing your friend and your prospect together. If you are totally crushing on a co-worker, ang you're nothing but his friend whom you take on his work for him, just for his sake, then for the love of yourself, bop yourself until you realize that you have to let go of that co-worker. Don't skip work because you're afraid you're going to see the two of them sitting beside each other. Look at the guy in a different light, say, notice how he doesn't match up to your ideal guy standard anyway, because he dresses so lousily. Something like that. For pete's sake, it's just a crush you say. But dear, more often than not, crush leads to love. Better stop now than endure a thousandfold pain later. Love is the sweetest thing, I know. It's the greatest feeling. That is, if the one you love loves you back. There can't be anything better than that. But if the situation is wherein you're falling for someone who just considers you as a friend,that's a different story. As much as possible, evade from those heart-wrenching situations. Love is hard to control, but try anyway. Give your best shot at falling out of love. You're lucky if you detect the absurdity and the pain of unrequited love right away, because it spares you from going through a lot of hell. All you have to do is simply occupy yourself with other things. Have fun with your life. You will fall soon, and this time, you will not get hurt, because he will reciprocate the feeling. It will not be now, but it will come in due time. Love is all about sacrifice, giving one's self freely, with no strings attached, you say. Hell, I know that. I know love is supposed to work that way. Love is really supposed to hurt, but that's what makes love love. But this is my stand. And I know you respect that.
Love has pained me so much to actually believe that it is better to have not loved at all.

There you were in a crowded room
With someone at least I assumed
How did I know I would fall in love
With you so soon
Just one look in your eyes
And I see the truth
And I try hard to hide that I'm made for you
But I know deep inside things that we could do
Just as long as we're together
But...
[Chorus:]
Who do you tell when you love someone
Hoping that someone's in love with you
Who do you tell when you love someone
I think I might as well tell you

I can't believe that I feel this way
There is so much that I want to say
I wanna touch you, hold you,
feel you, please you
As we're making love all through the night
We would talk to each other
We would laugh and play
We would claim it's forever every night and day
We would share every minute 'til the test of time
In my mind
[Chorus:2x]
Who do you tell when you love someone
Hoping that someone's in love with you
Who do you tell when you love someone
I think I might as well tell you
[Bridge:]
I've hesitated much too many times
And I won't let you slip away from me no
I know you're for me
And me for you
But I don't know what to say or to do
So now that we're together I'm telling you
[Chorus repeat:]
Who do you tell when you love someone
Hoping that someone's in love with you
Who do you tell when you love someone
I think I might as well tell you

Posted at 06:35 pm by GreenByHeart
bright idea(s) (3) Permalink

Yes... Finally.. I was able to squeeze time to write something new in my blog.. for God's sake parang inaamag na tong blog ko sa sobrang tagal ko nang hindi nagsusulat. Well, for the most part, my work has been filling up my schedule (what's new?)..

Ok.. so where do we start? Hmmm... I had my hair done!! hahahaha... hindi na sha unruly and kulot. Hindi na ako salot. Nyahahaha... It's manageable thank God for rebonding. And thank God for F's promo. You can actually have your hair, whatever length mind you, rebonded for about P1,800. Cheap right? So there. Even if Im not used to being in the parlor for more than 2 hours.. every bit of my stay there was fun.. especially when you have your friends undergo the same treatment. hehehehe.. =)

Whatelse?? Oooohhhh.. it's December na.. and of course aside from Christmas, I am excited about my birthday too... Sabi nga ni bes... birthdays are fun because you can experience one day in a year that you'll be able to feel that you're extra special... Wala naman ako mashado gimik on my birthday.. well, for starters wala akong enough time to prepare for a big party. so im just going to treat my friends seperately.. ang may plano ko lang ata na lakad is with the Berks... well, I plan on taking them somewhere quiet and relaxing.. dinner is a given.. sight seeing is to be looked forward to... and of course we'll never forget about the booze... =) basta yun.. it's a surprise... =)

lovelife?? ano yun??? =) hehehe.. nah. i am not fancy-ing anyone right now... hahaha... (tamaan na ng kidlat ang nagsisinungaling!!!) ah basta.. yun na yun...

o siya.. till next time...

Posted at 07:00 pm by GreenByHeart
bright idea(s) (1) Permalink

It's been a while since I've posted something here. Well, I've been quite busy lately and I know it will become worse soon as the start of the busy season is fast approaching. For those who are unaware of my profession, we auditors, have a so-called busy season. As the term suggests, it the time of the year when we are most busy. It starts around October and ends on April. There. So you see, if I am busy now, imagine my life during the busy season.

Why do I let myself experience such stress?? Ako din hindi ko alam. Hehehe... Not really. I am staying because The Guy promised me that if I play my cards right I will be promoted next year and I will be sent abroad to work there for as long as six months. Tempting enough? Not for me. But what really made me decide to stay another year is the challenge of proving myself to This Guy. When we had our serious talk, he said that he was expecting more from me and he did not see "focus and consistency" in my work. Maybe he was right. Well, I had 12 freakin' clients during that time compared to the 5 to 7 clients of that person he was comparing me with. Not fair. But then again, the challenge was there to prove that I can do the same or even better. Too proud??? Sabi nga sa akin ni Mike... kaya ayan.. eto ako ngayon busy at bumibinggo sa mga boss ko.

AAAAARGGGHHHH!!!! I need to have direction. I need to stay focused. I need to be organized. I need to start right. I need to start somewhere.. i want to give up badly.

Posted at 06:12 pm by GreenByHeart
u were saying??? Permalink

As usual, Eyen and I were hanging out at SBC last friday night. That was when Third saw us and we had one helluva of night thanks to Third... Here are the things that made our conversation interesting..

1. Me: (to Third) Uy... birthday ni elaine nung july 13 binati mo ba?
    3rd: Ay hindi.. nakalimutan ko eh..
    Eyen: Note: I was very near Eyen so "the force" was strong... So 3rd, puntahan mo si elaine magdala ka ng itlog, chaka ng egg beater...
    Me: (getting that what she said was a corny joke...) hahahaha...
    3rd: bakit egg???
    Eyen & Me: ah eh... (we really do not know how to explain)
    Me: actually kahit hindi eggbeater ang dalhin mo kahit fork na lang...

2. Eyen: Yung officemate ko kaya (referring to Katie) mas corny.. tinanong ko kasi siya kung mulan sa labas ang hirit ba naman sa akin hindi...pocahontas...
    Me: **laughing**
    3rd: Bakit pocahontas? Bakit hindi Dumbo?? (May point sha.. in fairness...)

OOOhhhh.. i missed third.. so much... sayang JR wala ka... must have been so much more fun if you were there.. hehehe...

3. I was really enjoying that 3rd can't get any of our corny jokes so I made another one...

   Me: Third, alam mo ba ang gagawin mo sa isang taong hinimatay?
   3rd: Ano?
   Me: Eh di titigan mo ng matagal...
   3rd: Bakit?
   Me: Para ma-conscious (then I started laughing... )
   3rd: Joke ba yan? =p
   Me: (still laughing) hindi noh!!! totoo yun... o ayan may learning ka na...
   3rd: Gaano ko katagal tititigan para ma-conscious.. (really now... i cant stop laughing)

4. At this point.. somebody came inside SBC. He passed by our table then he and Eyen started talking...
    3rd: Mia, may itatanong ako sayo...
    Me: Ano yun?
    3rd: (slightly glances to eyen and her friend... ) Meron ba akong alam na di ko alam???
    Me: (Really confused but somehow got what he was trying to ask...) Wait lang.. itanong natin yan kay eyen...
    When Eyen and her friend were through talking.. I told eyen that 3rd has a question..
    Me: Eyen.. may tanong si Third..
    Eyen: Ano yun?
    Me: Kung meron ba daw shang alam na di niya alam?? READ: Meron ba shang kailangan malaman??
*** LOL ***

More conversations later.. have to go... JR, sayang talaga wala ka... namiss ka namin bigla...

Posted at 08:32 pm by GreenByHeart
bright idea(s) (1) Permalink

I've come to realize that boys will always be boys, rarely do they become men. And it's a big wonder, really, knowing that they can be an a$$ sometimes, in spite of the gender differences, that we, girls, still end up loving them. - Leslie

I have to agree Les.. I have to agree.. I hate it when boys will just stop talking and turn their heads in the direction of some sexy girl while walking along the mall.. Like hellurh??? What's up with that?? Pero aminin natin pag nagpacute naman sila sayo after that parang di nangyari yung head-turning moments nila... Hay naku. men. Complicated creatures. Impossible to live with and impossible to live without. =) Hahaha... I am pleading temporary insanity with this post. Cynical ako ngaun eh. Do not dare ask why... =)

it's like we're holding hands, looking over the edge of a cliff and we're talking about jumping, right? together? without waiting to hear you say 'yes', i jump (yes, yes, i know...stu---). now im in mid-air, looking up at you, waiting to see what you'd do.

i wonder which would hurt more. falling and hitting the bottom alone, or watching you walk away from the edge, leaving me to just...fall.

there'll always be trust issues. it's what makes you want to stay and prove things. it's what makes you push for what you want despite the hassles, knowing that yes, it'll be worth it. - Mina

After the stuff that happened to me concerning some a$$h@le I met... I don't think I may be able to trust another guy again. Yes.. that guy suddenly gave me trust issues. I cant say I was not warned though. Hay naku.. I am just blabbing all the things that's inside my head right now... waaahhh!!!

Posted at 05:21 pm by GreenByHeart
u were saying??? Permalink

para sa mga walang magawa...

1. describe your present state of mind.
confused... about a lot of things... love life (kung meron man), career, family... lahat.

2. where do you usually hang out?
seattle's best coffee greenbelt3 branch (of course with eyen)

3. nakaapak ka na ba ng poo-poo sa kalye?
not recently...

4. last movie you saw and with whom?
a lot like love with elirose

5. most expensive thing you bought with your own money?
cellphones... (N3660 and N8310)

6. kung papipiliin ka: good looks or brains?
para sa akin ba ito?? pano yun eh meron na ako nito pareho.. pwede boyfriend na lang...

7. they say, "you are who you hang out with." describe your friends.

just plain CRAZY!

8. have you ever fallen in love with a friend?
many times... many many times... =)

9. what would you do if you caught your guy/girl and your bestfriend sleeping together?
DIE! DIE! DIE! sila ah, hindi ako... ;)

10. if you could be someone else for one day who would it be and why?
someone else?!? i'm not even with anyone right now...

11. any pets? what are their names?
none.

12. may nasuntok ka na ba?

wala pa naman...

13. anong sabi nung nasuntok mo?
wala...

14. which do you prefer? jollibee or mcdo?
jollibee!!! nothing can top their chicken joy & gravy!

15. wendy's o kfc?
wendys

16. who would you choose, the one you love or the one who loves you?
ah eh... maochista ako.. go figure.

17. what's inside your bag?
wallet, 2 cellphones, my fave cologne, ID, kikay kit

18. fave past time?
tv, reading, listening to the radio or to my CDs, reading, watching movies, reading, just hanging out...oh, and did i say reading???

19. biggest regret in life?
so far none that would merit a lifetime of thinking about it.

20. worst experience you've been through...
ah.. feeling

21. best place you'd rather be...
right now, EUROPE!!!!

22. most embarrassing thing you did for love?
hmmm...i'd have to think about that.

23. you in love right now?
no. i love (??) someone but i'm not in love.

24. is someone in love with you?
kung meron man, leche sya, ayaw nya sabihin saken!

25. describe your present love life in a song...
pwedeng: "you might think i don't look...but deep inside the corner of my mind...i'm attached to you..." (true - ryan cabrera)
pwede ring: "i wanted to tell you that my heart's in your hands...i prayed for the day that i would get the chance...and just when i worked up the courage to try...much to my surprise...you had somebody else...these feelings i keep to myself..." (a girl can dream - nina)

Posted at 08:25 pm by GreenByHeart
u were saying??? Permalink

"What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)" - Results:

You're like me! The intelligent loner. You're shy at times but friendly, and you are never weak and always independent. You are incredibly intelligent (wise beyond your years) and have a talent for many things (sports, music, art). You have a kind and warm personality and enjoy the simple things. Like hanging out with friends and watching movies at home. But you're sometimes quiet nature makes you a bit of an outcast and a mystery to people. No matter how pretty you are or smart or athletic, you just can't seem to break into the crowd and be noticed. Don't worry, try to be more outgoing and speak out when you have more to say. Don't hide behind your books and sports and computer, get out there and get noticed. You also have deep desires in life and feel vunerable and alone at times. Don't feel sad either, What helps me to express feelings and dreams that I can't say to people, is through my writting. Maybe you should try.

Hahahahahaha!!!! After such a long time, my entry would be a quiz.. Some parts of it are true though. If you know me well enough you'll realize what I mean. Till next time. =)

Posted at 11:31 pm by GreenByHeart
u were saying??? Permalink

There are times you would feel that God is talking to you through other people, through the circumstances you are in or through things you'd never expect to receive. And it makes you wonder, is God really flashing you a sign or are you just interpreting something too much so that it relates to what you are feeling or experiencing at the moment???

Well, if God was indeed telling me something Lord, slow talaga ako. Pwede paki ulit or di kaya pakibatukan na ako para naman alam ko na eto na talaga yun... =p

A perfect example of the opinion above is the incident that happened to me last January 14. It was about 6:30 and I was already packing up my things so that I could go back to the hotel where I was staying (I was on an out of town assignment) when the finance manager asked me to compute the tax for the Company that very moment. He said he really needs my computation because he will alrezdy book any adjustment for the package he needs to submit in France.

Nak ng tokwa! Hirap na hirap ako magcompute ng tax at lalong natatakot ako kasi walang magrereview ng ginawa ko. Eh kung mali yun??? Sus! Laking gulo nun!!! So I really told myself during that time. Ayoko na! Magreresign na talaga ako! Then suddenly my mobile phone vibrated. I was hoping it was my boss para masagot na niya yung mga tanong ko about the computation of retirement. But no! It was not from anybody it was this daily quote I receive everyday. But that time, it was really right on what I was feeling and the situation that I was in kaya wala ako nagawa kundi ngumiti (feeling ko nga akala ng mga tao sa client ko napapraning na ako eh) hehehe. This is what was I got...

MIA: It's time to move forward with long-term plans and think about your future. The big picture becomes clear to you already and you know where you fit in!

Panalo di ba???!!! Makes you wanna say.. "LORD IS THAT YOU????" Hehehehe. The next day, eto naman natanggap ko...

MIA: There seems to be a lot of pressure on you right now - which adds to your stress and does not help your mood. Don't worry, it will be over soon!

WAWAWIWAW!!! Hehehehe... (Doc hayup ka.. nahahawa na ako sayo!)

Posted at 10:19 pm by GreenByHeart
u were saying??? Permalink

Yep! It is officially here. My busy season is here! Arghhh! Again, I say hello to...

sleepless nights and overnights at the office
long hours of work (going home by 12:30 am will still be early)
pressure (due to my countless deadlines and of course, my bosses)
countless hours in front of the computer (surfing the internet while drafting my FS)
fieldwork (and the trips outside the office)
financial statements, tax returns, management letters and computations
meetings (with the client accompanied by a sumptuous lunch/dinner/merienda)
scolding (by my boss... I get this a lot lately)
short term memory loss (although I have this incapacity even if it is not the busy season)
too much coffee and yosi (with my normal beda buddies)
"one bot" sessions (RJ, Dave, Oman, Jigs, Dee, Rodel, Joseph... wanbat!!!!)
rantings and complaints (ayokong manuyo ang dugo ko... )
late night kakulitan and hiritan

Yep! These are the things that make up my busy season. The work may be burdensome and impossible but my friends keep the experience worthwhile! Thanks guys! Labyah! Mwah!!!

Posted at 01:41 pm by GreenByHeart
bright idea(s) (4) Permalink

Oh well, i guess it's quite late to wish everyone a happy new year. I really didn't feel the turn of the year because I was asleep during the supposed celebration. I was tired.. pass-out tired that is... I had to work even during the holidays noh...

Anyway, I do not really make new year's resolutions since I am bound not to do them anyway. So I just have a list of things I intend to accomplish or do for the year. Here it goes:

1. De-clutter. My stuff that is - not just my physical stuff, which I normally do not clean up until the end of the year or when I get bored. De-cluttering also includes emotional baggages and insecurities.

2. Appreciate /Be content with what I have. Wanting more than what you can actually have and not getting them is frustrating.

3. Stop overanalyzing. Nuf said.

4. Start somewhere. I realized that there were so many things that I had to put aside for some other not-so-important stuff. and then I feel to lazy and/or tired to do them after. I learned that in order for me to do the things I want to do... I have to start somewhere... Start something... Start anything! and maybe that anything is all the motivation and the "push" I need to accomplish what I have to do.

5. Save. Hahaha... wag niyo na itanong kung bakit... yes... my credit card just got confiscated. My mom thought that I was spending more than I can actually make in a month. I don't blame her because I really do... nyahaha. I will just get my own credit card this year.

There.. so far, I guess that will suffice. Any other learning or promise will have to come along the way.

Posted at 05:48 pm by GreenByHeart
u were saying??? Permalink